vicemag: Starting a band is easy, that’s why almost every person you know is in one. But just because you practice every day and have an awesome logo doesn’t mean you won’t be the suckiest sucking band that ever sucked. So how do you avoid spending your life’s savings on a shitty demo that no one will ever listen to? How do you avoid being in a band that self-destructs the day before you go on tour? In short, how do put together a band that’s actually gonna BE something? All great (ie: functional) bands can be broken down into five definable elements. “THE PILLAR” AKA: THE BASS PLAYER DESCRIPTION: Chain smoker into motorbikes and pinball. Pretty easy to get along with, and knows how to read music because they played the clarinet in high school band. They’ll bitch at you if you’re not in tune or not playing in time, but hate themselves for being such losers and will endure poor treatment and no creative input because of it. If it’s a girl bass player, then she has to be absolutely the most charming female alive or nobody will help haul her fucking amp, which weighs more then a fridge full of cement blocks. THE UPSIDE: Keeps the tempo together. Will often put the brakes on homicidal drug binges. THE DOWNSIDE: Can be unreliable if they have aspirations of being a lead guitar player in their own band some day. Might lead band on homicidal drug binge. Continue

vicemag:

Starting a band is easy, that’s why almost every person you know is in one. But just because you practice every day and have an awesome logo doesn’t mean you won’t be the suckiest sucking band that ever sucked. So how do you avoid spending your life’s savings on a shitty demo that no one will ever listen to? How do you avoid being in a band that self-destructs the day before you go on tour? In short, how do put together a band that’s actually gonna BE something? All great (ie: functional) bands can be broken down into five definable elements.

“THE PILLAR” AKA: THE BASS PLAYER

DESCRIPTION: Chain smoker into motorbikes and pinball. Pretty easy to get along with, and knows how to read music because they played the clarinet in high school band. They’ll bitch at you if you’re not in tune or not playing in time, but hate themselves for being such losers and will endure poor treatment and no creative input because of it. If it’s a girl bass player, then she has to be absolutely the most charming female alive or nobody will help haul her fucking amp, which weighs more then a fridge full of cement blocks.

THE UPSIDE: Keeps the tempo together. Will often put the brakes on homicidal drug binges.

THE DOWNSIDE: Can be unreliable if they have aspirations of being a lead guitar player in their own band some day. Might lead band on homicidal drug binge.